

Setting boundaries
Jan 14
2 min read
Boundaries is a buzzword lately, but how do we set boundaries - and will it be difficult? Here’s a few ideas to get you thinking:

🌱 Boundaries don’t have to be barriers
Sometimes it feels like if you were to set boundaries with someone, you would switch off all contact with them. I prefer to think of the relationship as a tap - you can let it pour everywhere, or you can turn it down to a dribble, or a drip. You don’t have to turn the tap off entirely, you can just dial it down to a comfortable level that you feel okay around.
So what would that look like for you? Perhaps you like talking to your mother about shared interests, but you’re not comfortable with her commenting on your life choices. Write down the topics that you find difficult, and think about ways to shape what you talk about (ideas below!).
🤫 Boundaries can be quietly created

You don’t have to loudly state ‘I am setting a boundary now!’ (although that can be empowering!). You can quietly create boundaries that suit you.
Ideas include:
🌟 Changing the subject whenever the difficult topic comes up
🤔 Can you be honest about how you’ve been feeling? Sometimes the direct approach is best, and keeps you on the same page
⏰ Time-limiting phone calls: ‘I only have ten minutes to chat, what’s up?’
😮💨 Stating your own limits: ‘I’m sorry I am really stressed from work so I don’t have capacity for serious stuff right now. Could we talk about something else?’
🌜Turning your phone off/setting limits on when you’ll be using it. Perhaps you’ll only answer messages during the daytime, and leave it alone after 6pm.
🗓️ Deciding how often you’re comfortable seeing that person: is it once a month?
👀 Boundaries can be set by emulating others
Different people set boundaries differently. Perhaps you see other people behaving differently around their family and friends - explore what it would be like to relate in that way. What would be the benefits and costs? What are the pros and cons of staying how you are now?

It’s okay for someone to be frustrated that you’re changing how you relate to them! Perhaps you’re draining yourself in the service of someone, but they’re not reciprocating. By reducing the amount you serve them, they might be irritated that they have to solve their problems in a different way now. This is okay, and can be part of the process. It doesn’t mean that you’re wrong in making this choice.

🪷 You have a right to protect your energy, to focus on your own problems and let others sort out their own problems. It's okay to change the way you're doing things, to give yourself space and to rest.
If you’re wanting to work with a therapist on your boundaries in 2025, you can find me at cosytherapy.com. I offer a free 15 minute chat, so you can see if I’m the right practitioner for you.
Warmth and wishes,
✨April✨