Affirmations for Self Esteem

What are affirmations?

I’ve been using affirmations as a daily practice to support my self esteem, confidence and mental health. So what are they? And how do they work?

The what

Affirmations are statements describing positive things about you. Examples include ‘I am kind’, ‘I am trying’, ‘I am strong’. They are things that we can say to ourselves, in our heads or aloud, to encourage positive self esteem. You can find inspiration online, or you can write your own. You don't have to completely believe them, for them to work!

Why do they work?

Brain science

Our brains have a function called neuroplasticity. That means that brains can wire and rewire themselves at any age, in response to our environment and our thoughts.

As we develop, we may develop an inner negative voice: an inner critic. This involves following negative thoughts through our brain - every time we get something wrong, we may think ‘I am not good enough’. As we grow, we may repeatedly follow this thought pattern, until it is strong and we do it automatically. Our brain is now wired so that we always follow that path.

Affirmations are one way to counter that negative voice with a positive one. By creating a new pathway through our brain, and then repeating it many times, we can start to create a strong path. 

So if we say ‘I am smart’ to ourselves every day, we can start to encourage these new and positive paths through our brain. Over time, we can move to a state where this thought becomes more automatic, instead of the negative one. 

Gathering evidence

When we think negatively about ourselves, we might look for evidence to support this negative position. If we think we are not good enough, we might look at the answers we got wrong on a test, instead of the ones we got right. We might replay a memory of saying the wrong thing, and feel shame. In this way, we gather evidence that we are right to think negatively about ourselves.

However, when we are repeatedly sending positive messages to ourselves, we then look for evidence to support this instead. We might look at all the answers we got right on a test, or replay a memory of when we said the right thing. In this way, we gather evidence that we are right to think positively of ourselves.

Countering the outside critics

In our life, people may say negative things to us. We can then internalise this as fact, without analysing whether it is true. When we say affirmations out loud, we can start to internalise positive messages about ourselves. Our brains aren’t good at telling whether they are hearing someone else’s voice, or our own. So we can absorb these new, positive comments, and see what shifts within us.

What if it doesn’t work?

It might take a while - if we have heard negative messages for a long time, it can take a while to shift things. But daily affirmations - even a couple, even if we don’t believe them! - have the potential to create significant long term change. And it’s free, so what do you have to lose?

What if I become too egotistical?

Is that a risk? Think of where you are. Are you very down on yourself? Do you struggle to have more than one positive thing to think about yourself? If the answer is yes, there’s probably scope for a bit of change. 

There’s a long way to go between low self esteem, and out of control egotism. 

It’s possible to get a happy medium, where you think well of yourself but aren’t unkind to others. It’s not an automatic switch, so you can watch yourself gradually change over time, and decide where your happy balance is. 

Best wishes

April

If you’re thinking of working on your self esteem with a counsellor, you’re welcome to book a free 15 minute intro session with me. We can talk through the things affecting you, and you can work out if I’m the right therapist for you.