How you speak to yourself

Many of us learn to speak to ourselves in such a harsh voice. A voice we’d never use with the people around us, because we know it would hurt them and undermine their confidence. So why do we use it with ourselves?

During your life, you might have had a critical parent, partner or friend. They might have picked at your every word, the things you liked, or they might have unpredictably punished you. Over time, you might learn to internalise this - so that you can behave according to their rules, and try to keep yourself safe from their criticism. 

You might keep their voice in your head going forward, undermining your confidence and restricting your freedom to be who you are. You might find yourself living according to their criticism - rather than your own hopes and dreams. This can be a recipe for an unfulfilling life, where you’re afraid to live how you truly want.

In therapy, we might work on pulling apart some of the ways you speak to yourself. It’s helpful to find out where these messages came from, and to work out what to do next. It’s hard to start ignoring the inner critic - many of us fear that without that punishing voice, we’d never get anywhere. 

But is that true? Sometimes it’s easier and more motivating to work on a project when we are giving ourselves warm support, than being cruel and critical every step of the way. It’s possible that being critical of ourselves constantly undermines our faith in ourselves, and greatly contributes to our anxiety. In contrast, when we act gently supportive towards ourselves, we are more likely to feel safe to learn, grow, and make the changes that we really want. 

If you’re wrestling with the inner critic and you want to unpack things in counselling, I offer a free 15 minute Initial Appointment, where you can get to know me and decide if I’m the right therapist for you. To find out more and book online, visit cosytherapy.com

Warm wishes,

April

Cosy Therapy