Self-sabotage

We’ve all done it. To some extent or other, we have found ourselves doing something that we know is not good for us. 

We might have kept up an unhelpful habit for years, without fully knowing why. Some of us may have hit a ‘rock bottom’, and made changes. Some of us may be uncomfortably continuing the habit, knowing that there’s impacts waiting down the line.

Self sabotage can include all sorts of habits: undermining intimate relationships, drinking excessively, procrastination, excessive phone use. So what do these diverse habits have in common?

Short term benefits

We may find that these habits feel good in the short term. But on another level, we may have an awareness that the habit is building up or ignoring a problem: this can cause stress. 

Procrastination is a classic example of this: we put off completing a piece of work in order to temporarily avoid the stress of doing it. But we notice that we can never truly feel free or relaxed until we have actually submitted the work.

Managing our emotions

We may use this habit to manage how we are feeling. We may turn to our Instagram feed whenever we feel stressed or bored; we may turn to a substance whenever we feel low. It can then become an automatic habit: we may find ourselves repeatedly following the same route to emotional management, without even thinking about it. Over time, we can start to believe that we can’t cope without this habit to help us.

Symptom of something else

Self-sabotage can often be a symptom of something else going on. Perhaps it’s stress at home; perhaps it’s unprocessed trauma; perhaps it’s not having enough time for joy in our life. Perhaps it’s a problematic relationship that we want to leave, or a job that is draining us.

Changing that habit can seem difficult. But it’s possible.

Habits can form over many years, but we can also dismantle them within days, weeks or months. Some of us may do this alone, but if we find ourselves stuck we might seek help. Self help books and podcasts can be great to help us explore the issue at hand. 

A therapist can help us unpack what’s happening for us: the causes of the habit, the underlying beliefs, releasing trauma or grief, building balance into our lives, finding alternative ways to manage our emotions. The path is not always obvious, but through pulling apart the many components, we may find that the urge to pursue the habit becomes easier to ignore.

I hope this was an interesting read!

If you’re thinking of changing your self-sabotage, I’m happy to explore this with you. There’s no judgement and no obligation to change if you don’t want to. If you’d like to book an exploratory chat, I offer free 15 minute intro appointments so that you can see if I’m the right fit for you.

Warmth and wishes

✨April✨